They Say We “Worship” White Men…

“You worship white men” is an accusation constantly leveled against black women in or open to interracial relationships – especially if she has an interest in white men. I see black women saying that white, Hispanic and Asian men are […]

“You worship white men” is an accusation constantly leveled against black women in or open to interracial relationships – especially if she has an interest in white men.

I see black women saying that white, Hispanic and Asian men are men, too, so why NOT see them as dating or marriage options?

What I do not hear myself and black women saying is that white men or non-black men in general are gods, kings, supermen, perfect in being, or anything else that resembles worship.

Saying, “I’m attracted to Asian/white/Latino men” (depending on the woman in question) isn’t worship. Telling black women, “It’s possible to find love with white, Hispanic or Asian men and ok to be receptive to this love” isn’t worship. It sounds as if the women who say this are open to non-black men precisely because they do see those men as simply, well, men. Some males call this “worship” because – as I explained in a previous article – they suffer from deep insecurities, and they project their inferiority complex onto others.

I’ve found, though, that there are some black women who do worship some men. However, what I noticed is that they don’t tend to be interracial daters as people assume, but instead many black women who are completely against the idea of interracial relationships for themselves and other black women. When challenged, these women have no logical reason that holds up to scrutiny as to why other black women must pick men by color rather than according to sensible, useful qualities that form the core of any healthy relationship, such as shared interests, goals, dreams, values, mutual respect, and emotional connection. Therefore, these women resort to what I’ll just call the Magic Theory to explain why we should limit ourselves to black men.

These women literally deify black men with exclamations such as “There’s nothing like our strong black kings” or “The black man is God.” They imply that there is magic inherent in black love with declarations such as “black love is always best” or “There is nothing like black love.” The comments about gods and kings suggest that simply having a particular skin color makes a man somehow holy and fit for worship; the comments about black love suggest that this love is somehow superior simply because it’s coming from a man who happens to have darker skin.

For example, I was recently witness to the following exchange between two black women:

Woman #1: I believe that deep in a woman’s soul she knows who the king is. Be it white women, asian women, black women (etc). … Every woman knows who the king is: the black man. […] And to be a black woman and get with another man other than a black man…it takes a lot out of you. No matter how n*ggas act you know that is HOME. And it just feels…right. [W]hite women know it’s home…Asian women…every woman knows there is nothing like a GOOD black man. […] An alive awakened black man that knows who he is…[w]hat other men even compare?

Woman #2: I might want a Dragon King (Asian), Conquistador King (Hispanic/Spanish/Spaniard) or a European King???

Woman #1: The black man is the king of all kings. The original king of all that s*** you just mentioned.

The black men who shout into the winds that black women with interracial interests look “pathetic and desperate” for saying that we are attracted to and open to non-black men don’t feel the same about some black women literally venerating black men to an earthly or heavenly throne. No corrective words are spoken to these women and they aren’t attacked or shamed. That means these men are perfectly ok with worship – just as long as they are the objects of that worship. It also says they aren’t speaking out of concern for black women’s image as they claim – just for their own egos. If it was image that mattered, they’d tell these types of women to stop deifying men who only marry 30% of them, and of that 30%, obtain divorces at the rate of 75% (black marriage and divorce statistics in the U.S.).

About Velour

I am a young woman who's Caribbean by heritage and American by birth. I'm married to a white man, whom I met during my teens. We've been together for nearly a decade. I have some female relatives and friends who are also married interracially. I share my experiences and thoughts in order to encourage and support other black women who are in interracial relationships or considering the possibility, and men who are interested in or in interracial relationships with black women.