If you want to date men of all colors, then date men of all colors. If you want to date a particular group of men or a specific combination of groups – then do so.
As one friend sums it up:
I am for individuality…date whoever you want to date, regardless of race, because you have the right AND audacity to. Being bold enough to stand out this way, is what it is all about.
~LuneBrune
That has always been my stance here at Interracial Intersection. I do not tell anyone whom to or not to consider dating or marrying. I do not encourage people to “expand their options.” I simply offer my thoughts and experiences and do my best to support those who have an interest in dating interracially, or help those who are in relationships to build and maintain a healthy relationship one.
The reason I am writing this article is because, over the past month and especially last week, my friends on YouTube and I have been bombarded with lengthy messages from a pack of men, and about two women. I always skim first, so I almost never bother actually reading messages from those who are not either asking a question related to their interest in dating interracially, or saying something positive about interracial relationships – particularly if it is longer than three sentences. The gist of these particular messages is that I am “hateful,” “unfair,” “racist,” “close-minded,” “superficial” as well as other colorful terms in the eyes of these individuals for not attempting to force my readers to include black men in their dating pools, and for not having dated a black man myself prior to marriage. Despite the judgmental, accusatory tone of all messages, nearly all were reasonably polite – initially. However, when I did not engage these individuals in debate as they had hoped, things took a nasty turn in most cases.
According to one woman, “Saying that you support Interracial Unions of BW/WM is partiality in the lords eyes” – and quoted and interrupted scripture at length in order to prove her statement. I did not fully read nor reply, and she made no further contact. The world is full of clubs and organizations that focus on a particular issue or interest, and discussion groups, classes and websites that focus on a particular topic. Even churches are organizations of people who believe in God (or gods) – and these are split into various denominations according to specific beliefs. Yet, my pages are somehow ungodly because someone may feel left out. Lady, please.
Another asked, “What values does one present by making it acceptable to discriminate against potential partners due to physical characteristics (as you mentioned hair color, height, etc.) or race?” Gee, I wonder why there was no mention of sex or gender, when heterosexuals and homosexuals “discriminate against potential partners due to physical characteristics” by refusing to have romantic relationships with those who lack the physical anatomy they desire. I did not read the whole message, but simply responded that attraction is a natural and normal biological instinct: birds do it, bees do it, humans do it – and this has been so since time immemorial. Male peacocks display their extravagant plumage; male canaries sing to show off their voices; male insects have extremely fancy genitalia. All of this is for no purpose other than to attract a mate. I told the user to read a science book to learn more about attraction. The user becoming irate about being blocked, and retaliated by opening a new account, under which it whined that it was entitled to have a “discussion” with me, insulted my level of intellect, and added bitterly that my husband would need “luck” to deal with me. In a failed attempt at extortion, the person used a third account to send messages to everyone who has ever posted on my channel, directing them to unsubscribe from me.
Apparently, we as grown women haven’t the right to make sexually attraction one criteria we use in weighing whom to marry and have sexual intimacy with – unless we justify or defend it to a random stranger behind a hidden profile on the internet first. Ha. I had the opportunity to be with someone whom I am attracted to inside and out; therefore, I am. I am under no obligation to pass this up or feel guilty about it just because someone feels uncomfortable with the fact that I am attracted to my own husband – and enjoy it. Attraction to one’s partner serves functional purposes: it increases enjoyment of sexual intimacy when one enjoys the sight, smell AND feel of one’s partner. This means you will want to do it more often, which helps to maintain a sense of closeness and increases the chances of reproducing. My spouse and I have emotional, intellectual, spiritual, lifestyle and value compatibility as I have often mentioned; therefore, we enjoy one another company inside and outside of bed. These individuals are bitter and envious because this is something they lack or fear they will never have. Attraction has existed since the dawn of time, yet people didn’t start getting their gangsta panties in a wad over it until some black women expressed attractions, or men, particularly white ones, expressed attraction to black women. All of a sudden, the concept of being attracted to one’s partner is confusing: “Doh…is it a fetish, superficial, just lust?” Now it is supposed to be deviant, and grown adults need interventions to have our heads examined. Please. This person may want to go live in a cave, since all of nature has attraction as a criteria – even plants.
The same user wrote to a friend, “People did not compromise their lives and freedoms so that people could wear race-goggles” when dating. Um…so the American Civil Rights Movement won people equal rights to access my body, as if my body is some kind of political object, rather than my own? Outrageous! Another person suggested that we focus on “human people,” because that “will be a day of true harmony. … I date people of all ethnicities because ‘color’ is really insignificant to me.” This comment may seem quite innocent and even encouraging – except that this person was simultaneously attempting to grill me about whether I believe black men are inferior. (I did not do anything that should cause the individual to ask this question; thus I did not bother answering it. I am under no obligation to allow someone to invade my privacy by interviewing me about my mind and personal life, or to defend myself against every paranoid fear that someone may have regarding individuals in interracial relationships. I am content with myself and my relationship, so there is no reason for me to submit to this. If someone is confused or distressed, he or she will need to see a therapist or pray to God if they believe…not bother me.) This person’s goal was clear. My body is not the United Nations. I am under no obligation to let the world into my body in an attempt to show that I am “colorblind,” and to promote “true harmony.” People may not use my body in order to promote some agenda, because my body is not a political object. My marriage relationship is not a part of some tacky ad campaign about “true harmony.” My relationship, my marriage, is nothing more or less than a relationship, and exists for the benefit, satisfaction, and happiness of my partner and I. Whom I date, marry, and ultimately have sexual intimacy with is very personal.
A different user wrote, “I’m a black man and would date anyone…your [sic] discriminating.” Currently, the block feature on YouTube is not working, so blocked users are still able to send private messages. When I ignored him, he dropped his reasonably polite façade and wrote back on Christmas Eve: “I don’t care how many languages your [sic] try to learn, how many white guys you date, what you’ve achieved in your career, you’ll always be a hateful black b….” He challenged me to call the FBI in a statement I suspect is a latent threat. He sent a whole series of subsequent messages, which largely went unread. In one, he insisted that I wanted “black d…,” and was just pretending not to. He bombards other black women who date or are in relationships with non-black men with messages as well, or leaves unkind, whiny comments on their videos.
Another black American man demanded that I remove the video “Don’t Settle…Get a Man On Your Level,” which lets my viewers know that it is fine to have standards in a potential mate. He claimed under a guise of concern that the video is “socially irresponsible,” since black women are not desirable; for a black woman, having standards is “shooting for a fairy tale that has slim-to-no chance of ever happening.” When blocked without reply, he returned under another name, warning that blocking would be futile, as he has “hundreds of accounts.” He did not appreciate my two-paragraph reply in which I mentioned that his views on what he believes women should or should not seek in a partner are not requested, relevant or required. He sent a 20-paragraph rant in response on Christmas day using a third account. I did not read one sentence. It is quite laughable that he is so threatened by the idea of black women having standards that he went to all of this trouble – yet it is someone else who is undesirable. Please.
All of it was quite amusing to me. I have observed so many who declared that they as black American men are the most desirable in the world. One claimed on this site yesterday that they are “the pinnacle of manhood.” To hear them tell it, every woman on the premises immediately drops and spreads ‘em when a black American man enters because he possesses such virtues as “swag,” “natural game,” genitalia so long it nearly drags on the ground, and has hiphop culture to help his reputation precede him. You would think, then, that they would neither notice nor care that a random woman online whom they don’t know from Eve (that would be me) finds such qualities extremely unappealing. Instead, some obsessively read and analyze this site, and have begun a campaign to seduce me to their views by appealing to God, my intellect, logic, sense of fairness, desire for harmony between colors – things they thought may interest me based on their readings. When the attempts at manipulation, pleas and shaming tactics failed, some resorted to bullying or blackmail, and one to threats.
One friend, who is American-born and of Nigerian heritage and also received messages from that “call the FBI” guy, wrote:
“LMAO….WTF was that! [They] will go to any extent huh? Pathetic! I will need for them to grow the f… up. What they are doing for our attention is not sexy to any normal woman.”
~blissful
I concur. A male who gets desperate and whiny because he feels entitled to me or some other woman makes me nauseous with disgust and pity. A male who tries to bully or threaten a woman into being with him (for example) is a loser with very low self-esteem. If one individual, man or woman, wants a date with another person who appeals to him or her, then he or she will need to learn the art of attracting others. If the other person is interested, too, you may get a date. If not, you move on and find another person who does. It’s called “life.”
I have never begged anyone to date me. I have never whined or complained about any men’s standards (regardless of their color) or told them they hadn’t the right to have them because I could not meet them or they were not good enough to attract anyone who met those standards. I have never written or spoken complaints when these [c]rap stars Weezy (or whatever that odd little guy is called), Yung Berg and other celebrities like Ocho Cinco, Wesley Snipes and many others made it clear that they preferred either “redbones” or non-black women. I do not sob when statistics show that “redbones” and “yellabones” (whatever the difference is between the two…LOL…a Blasian friend attempted to explain but I still don’t know) get married earlier and more frequently than other black women in this country. I simply made myself as attractive as possible inside and out (mainly for me), and therefore I attracted men I was interested in. Therefore, I don’t appreciate anyone of any color or gender instructing me that I should date or marry someone out of pity or a sense of fairness. Please. My body is not a charity organization, that I should have to give it up to make someone feel validated. They should learn to attract a mate as all of nature does, or stay alone.
Velour, 1 big reason why such trolls are able to continue harassing you & others is because they are not reported enough. Even if you’re not reading their replies, do flag/report their accounts. If the website administrators get enough complaints, then they might block them more efficiently (eg blocking IP/MAC addresses user which prevents them from creating multiple accounts since the system detects that it’s the same fool again).
Hell, if site admins aren’t on it, let the trolls know that you can call the cops; if they investigate, they can track and identify the user via info logged by the website and his/her ISP provider. And we all know how cowardly net idiots are in real life.
Hi Nonya, welcome to the site. There is, unfortunately, no way to flag private messages except to mark them spam. I do flag comments when I see them trolling black women’s interracial videos, especially if the comments are particularly atrocious. Some know how to circumvent a permanent ban, though. Google, Inc., which owns YouTube, does not care about their users. One woman who is a longtime user (she is not black and not connected with interracial relationships) had her identity stolen by other users, who posed as her and posted videos using her personal information, including her full real name. The video contains lies about her which she found offensive. She flagged, and when nothing was done, sent letters to one of Google’s headquarters. Google did nothing, even after she threatened to sue. Google didn’t even reply. The video of her has been up for at least 2 years. She simply went to the site far less so that she wouldn’t stress about it. Not everyone has time for a lawsuit.
I did file an FBI report about a year ago against one user who has been stalking me for 3 years with extremely graphic threats (i.e. to “chop off” my head and “use it as a lawn ornament”…sorry about posting something so sick). He has had close to 15 accounts in these years: some banned, and others he closed himself before they were banned. I ultimately chose not to pursue the report, but made sure his information was distributed to every other woman on the site whom he was obsessed with and stalking with death threats (quite a few, including an elderly black woman). This further enraged him. It’s clear that he has an actual violent psychological disorder. I don’t believe he will track anyone down and hurt them, but I do believe he will ultimately end up hurting a woman he knows. He reads this site because he’s obsessed with me. I know he used to read CW’s (BWE) blog when she was on wordpress.com because he talked about her incessantly, obsessively.
There is something sick within him that causes him to need to be around black women, to talk, to be friends with them, have a romance – but then he can’t help but turn on them. He observes black women constantly. It’s an obsession. I felt sorry for him when I first encountered him. He came crying to me that black women wouldn’t date him unless they were the ghetto type or are obese, and the “ghetto” ones used him for his money. He said he took them on dates and paid to help them support their children. They would not even kiss him, saying they wanted to wait – but he later discovered they were sleeping with other men. He couldn’t get ‘it’ up for the one woman who was about to sleep with him, so she laughed at him. He had extremely low self-esteem and anxiety issues before this, so this is why he can only attract women who don’t value themselves, though he blames it on black women. He turned on me because he’s mentally unstable. He turns on women who only date black men, too, though he hates black women who date white men (as he is jealous of white men, and feels black women in interracial relationships hate him and are conspiring against him). His paranoid mind told him that the only girlfriend he ever had (this year) was conspiring to have him killed, so he dumped her. Now he stalks her and posts her information online. Obviously, he can’t get her back, and will never have another. That is probably for the best, since he belongs in an institution.
One major reason I stay on YouTube (when I might be able to get my viewers to move with me to another video sharing site) is because I can’t let those people win, LOL. I got bullied in junior high, and had to still rise. Bullying is now my lifeblood; it makes me thrive. I feel so alive, so determined, when I know someone out there wants to stop me or make me give up, or thinks I can’t do it. Don’t get me wrong…I love positive encouragement, too, and need it to keep the balance so that I don’t feel negative or frustrated. However, it’s like bullies give me wings. I can’t really describe the feeling. I do my best in life in general when I know I have this kind of pressure on me. I am sure to not read anything negative when I am not in a positive mood. So yeah…don’t feel too sorry for me, lol. Seriously. I walked into it with eyes wide open.
Wow, dude IS crazy. And it is infuriating that site owners like google do next to nothing to curb such behaviour. Justice can also be slow offline depending on location, because police units may be short-staffed or have no teams dedicated to cyberstalking cases yet.
I had to do this when I used to go on myspace years ago, this black american guy was miffed at all of the IR groups in which I belonged to and began harassing me. He first started off asking me for a date, I told him that I am in a serious relationship with a loving man and have no desire to see anyone else as I am happy. He asked me if he was white and I responded saying, if you must know; he is…He then began to launch an attack against me, calling me everything in the book and I told him that he makes more and more of us broaden our horizons and date, love and marry out…I blocked him and he came at me through another account I contact customer service after he began sending me death threats, death to you all while calling me black btchs. They removed all of his accounts that were connected to his isp.
SMH, it’s absurd that anyone would think he has the right to threaten another person for being attracted to or happy with the person she chooses. What business is it of anyone else’s, anyway? Last month, one seemed to imply that he’d kill his own daughter if she ever got into an interracial relationship. Well, this is exactly what he tried to post on a video I have up: “If my daughter ever went this way she could never return home…& should do her best to leave the planet, for she will surely die an early death.” I am sure he meant that he’ll kill his daughter, because of hateful statements he wrote elsewhere. It takes a real nutcase to disown or want to kill one’s own child for choosing happiness rather than validating her sick, bigoted father’s fragile ego. You can see that he is incapable of loving even his own child, because his heart is cold with rage and hatred, like that of a typical bigot. If I were the daughter and met someone of another color whom I wanted to marry, I would do so. If he made such threats, I’d have to have him committed to an institution, because it’s clear he’s mentally unwell in general. This person could not be a good parent or give sound guidance. Guidance should be given out of love, not out of hate. Also, forbidding one’s child to do something is a good way to stimulate their interest in doing exactly what one does not want them to. Forbidden fruit tastes a bit sweeter, after all.
We have also never been threatened or assaulted in person over our relationship. Typically, those black males who write threats are just talking big behind their computer screens. They aren’t thugs, as thugs typically don’t know how to turn on computers without help, or know about any sites besides MySpace and MediaTakeOut (LOL…it’s true, though). I’m a pacifist and greatly value all life. Like most people, I also just want a peaceful life. Despite these things, in a world like this one, it’s recommendable to take precautions, such as taking target practice and keeping a large gun handy. Outside of the home, you should also be aware of self-defense methods and carry with you what is legal in your state, just in case armchair-thugs do go seeking trouble. Some individuals calling themselves “good black men” think themselves an ideal and entitled to any woman they want, especially if she’s black or part-black. Shrugs. Good or not, it’s a woman’s prerogative to choose who she will or will not be with (and a man’s prerogative to choose as well). I’m not interested in black men like that. I don’t have trouble with black guys who have the manners to respect that fact and not try to get their nose into my relationship. Some women say that black women “have to be open to all races of men” as they put it. Oh well, I never saw cause for desperation. I don’t HAVE to be open to anyone besides who I want to be open to. As long as a woman is at her best and positions herself to interact often with the sort of men she likes, she will have options. A state of desperation is a bad position to be in. Of course, that will mainly attract the worst of the worst.
Sorry to hear that you get all this unwanted attention from no-class MoFos. Earning the hatred of the the despicable is worthwhile – they can “eat their liver” while you get on with your life.
Guess I have to check out your YouTube channel now!
Thanks, bob.
My YouTube channel is nothing to get angry at, at all. Most of my videos show weddings of interracial couples. The rest visually represent concepts of relationships…”this is what love is,” “this is what marriage should be like,” “this is what it means to have standards,” etc. These crazy men swear that my videos contain subtle messages about them. If the title is “This Is Love,” it supposedly means that black men are incapable of love. If the title is “Your Prince Will Come,” it means a black man can’t be a prince. If the title is “Don’t Settle…Get a Man On Your Level,” it supposedly means black men are inherently inferior, such that being with one is settling. I used to prefix all videos with “Black Women,” but quietly removed it from all but one so that they wouldn’t claim I was trying to convince all black women to date interracially. Eventually, I realized that these individuals simply have serious mental issues, and will never again change anything about my videos again, no matter what is said or asked.
you should put them all back up…i would have not removed anything, no matter what anyone said…
Another great article Velour!
I had to laugh when you said that your body is not the U.N. or a charity organization, because it is very true. If I wanted to be equal opportunity, I would do that at my job, because I believe everyone deserves a chance to succeed. Dating is not the same thing and people fail miserably in realizing this. Besides, I don’t even remember the last time a gave a hoot about what (c)rappers and other black men want in a female. Also, crying over useless stats is just a waste of time.
Thanks, Mari. Yes, I have never gone around begging them (or anyone) to want or date me…so I don’t know why they act like my body is supposed to be a vessel for validating egos or serving their world agendas. It’s degrading. These are the only comments that truly annoyed me, especially when one of the people writing them seemed to be a woman.
I date to marry, and marry for love, companionship, and sexual intimacy, since I wouldn’t get any of these outside of marriage (personal choice on the last…sort of…my strict Christian upbringing scared me out of doing the last outside of marriage lol…I DO pick based on this, too, because Lord knows it’s all I will ever get ha).
I wonder where they gather to plan campaigns designed to trick me. The messages come from random accounts I’ve never heard from or seen about before, or from newly opened accounts, and I know that they are NOT all the same person. Yet there’s no way they could write basically the same things at the same time unless it was coordinated.
Yeah, I don’t waste my time crying over stats…especially when I know for a fact that many black women are very desirable (or can be), and attract a marriage partner if they’d like one.
Yep, begging for a date is the most pathetic action anyone could take. It’s irritating when someone does this to us. No means no, not “try harder next time”.
Wonderful, Wonderful article! I’m so so sorry about the nonsense these ignoramuses sent to you. I remember when I received one, possibly the same fellow, demanding I “unfriend” you.
I know you apologized sometime last week to your friends on YT, but we understand. You have no control over fools like that…trust me, we know.
“since black women are not desirable; for a black woman, having standards is, ‘shooting for the fairy tale that has slim-to-no chance of ever happening”.
Those type of people will continue to sling dung at black women, whether they’re alone or in loving relationships.You’re right, “Ignore the bullies: date whom YOU want”. We can’t allow strangers to dictate our (love)life.
I’ve heard something similar, and just as senseless, mentioned by an African American guy. He claims “95% of men don’t want black women”. Its obvious he didn’t complete Math class. It’s appalling the lengths these guys will go to keep women, such as myself, from having options. I guess the saying goes well into adulthood…they don’t want the toy until another child is playing with it .
These are the lines they are accustomed to using, and they think it’s going to work on black women of other cultures, LOL. They forget that many of us have roots elsewhere besides just black neighborhoods in the U.S., and some of us are from other countries, or have been abroad. Black women of their culture usually do not have roots beyond their neighborhoods, so a significant number do not have connections beyond it. This is why many of these women tend to believe everything that some (eh, most) black American men say – even though the vast majority have less contact with the outside world than their female counterparts do. =/ Most of these guys do not interact closely with white men or anyone else, because they are resentful of white men for various reasons. Those few white men they do hang around with tend to be Eminem brand (you know what I mean, LOL), because they find the behavior of these Eminem sorts flattering and nonthreatening.
I’m not interested in the Eminems they tend to hang around with, because these tend to have unbearable habits, like “swag,” throwing deuces, gangsta (c)rap “music,” pants sagging, walking oddly, and speaking “Ebonics” – none of which I am interested in spending time around casually or want to pass down to my children. LOL, I remember my African friend once wrote that if her (future) son came home with his pants at his knees, he’d better dig a grave outside first. These qualities are not any less annoying just because those displaying them are dipped in vanilla.
Some like that Sherry woman of The View buy into what these guys are saying. I wrote a comment about Sherry and Richard Banks, the man whose book they were reviewing, under the The View video on YouTube a month ago. They didn’t approve it (they apparently don’t approve most). My comment was polite, but not friendly, as I was quite furious, LOL. =/ Here was a black woman on national TV putting a stigma on herself and every person born with her color and gender worldwide. Sherry has a lot of issues that are very apparent to anyone with ears and eyes – yet she blames the fact that she can’t attract men on her color/gender combination as a cop out rather than improving herself. Whoopi’s points were not strong enough to counteract Sherry’s. I found Banks irritating when I read his Wall Street Journal article, as he is basically saying, “No one wants you…but go ahead and try to marry interracially, because there aren’t enough black men who are living up to your standards.” I didn’t say anything about this Banks book because I know a lot of black women are excited and didn’t want to rain on their parade.
I’ve said many times, do they actually think I believe their nonsense? If they honestly think “95%” of men don’t want us, then my date and I should not upset them, since I am “undesirable”, but of course it’s all lies, and it irritates them, or we would be of no great concern.
“most of these guys do not interact closely with white men or anyone else, because they are resentful of white men for various reasons”.
True…A lot of the black men I worked with at my previous jobs, did not really interact with the white men. I wasn’t really sure why. Some of them actually disliked one of the Managers, because a lot of the black female employees had a bit of a crush on him. When the manager transferred, a black male employee was given the managerial position. He began over-working the white men and the only white female employee. I actually found some of the men literally sleeping on the job. One was in a janitors closet :/
“These qualities are not any less annoying just because those displaying them are dipped in vanilla”.
Exactly! I remember a few years ago, at the same job, a guy I worked with asked me, “why you like white boys”. I didn’t explain “why“, and I don’t owe anyone an explanation. When I didn’t respond, he became furious. He told me I was a “racist” [expletive]. He then tells me, “so you don’t like [N-word], but I bet your hating [expletive] would date a ghetto white boy”. He has convinced himself, that ALL black women who prefer white men would overlook their negative qualities, simply because their skin colour is white. He said, “I bet you would date me if my skin was white”…No sir I will not. You will still possess those horrible characteristics.
Men dressed in “ghetto” attire, with the behaviour to match, is a complete turn off to me, regardless of his ethnicity. The funny thing is, I found out a month later, that he had a crush on me or wanted to “get at me” (not sure what that means). Well, if he treats women he is infatuated with that way, then I would hate to see how he treats the women he dislikes.
The 20-paragraph writer returned, and this time around, he dropped the smugness and is as sweet as homemade pie. Supposedly, he is highly educated, having a bunch of Master’s Degrees from some top university, owns various businesses and is highly successful, “loves black women” and “has a black fiancée,” and is well-traveled (which is supposedly how he knows that black men are highly desirable). Oh, and he’s “so sorry” we are not desirable; it breaks his heart because he loves us so. Please. I read his whole message because it made me laugh hard. He must make his living as a snakes oil salesperson.
I am curious to know how he would explain the fact that one does not tend to see black men who are married interracially with women who have both a good and decent reputation and come from a highly-respected family (often the women have drug issues, severe weight issues, are perceived as “whorish,” regarded as low-class in their communities, are club bimbos and drunks who’ll sleep with anything moving, etc.), while there are 3 black women married into European royal families…but ok. I don’t really like to play the “who can attract the best/most non-blacks,” since I find it to be quite stupid to turn it into a competition. This also does not determine my inherent value as an individual the way they very clearly allow it to determine theirs. When I put up the video, “Your Prince Will Come,” it was as a metaphor for “prince of your heart,” as explained in the description.
This whole post is amazing, but the it’s the last paragraph that really stood out for me! Once again, great post!
Thanks Melany.
I cannot what I am reading… As a woman of mixed race( aboriginal and Asain) I’m pretty dark…I consider myself a black woman… And I’m shock that these men are acting this way… My husband is White and I think as a man he is no different , just in skin Color… Although I am very attracted to White men… I would never think men of any other race would be any less… I have children , my oldest is dating a Asain woman… I asked him if he found black women attractive , he said no … I asked him why, it was mostly attitude ge said was a turn off… My other 2 are too young to date but personally I do not care who they date… Everyone is entitled to date whom ever they want… There are no limitations on whom we date or what we can achieve … Insecurities play a major part in this situation… I’m proud of you for standing up for us.
Hi Mrswordspring, welcome to the blog. I was shocked, too, when I came online and encountered these types of men and became aware of their sick thoughts. I don’t encounter them offline too often, since I, fortunately, don’t tend to be in the types of neighborhoods where strangers would be so crass as to shout their rude thoughts. My husband and I have only ever gotten one inappropriate comment in person in the 10 years in which we’ve been together. I think attitude is actually a personality stereotype, which is hard to do, when people vary widely and can be found worldwide. I don’t ask people why they date anyone, because then they feel the need to defend it, and tend to do so with absolute stereotypes. I agree that people should feel free to date whomever they please, and without justification.
Sneakers, creepers, skulkers…jeepers!
Velour, thanks for taking a stand against the haters. I know that “that” isn’t your real intent or goal but is an unintended consequence of sharing your joy and desire to encourage others to follow their own hearts in crossing the color line. There are folks out there who just can’t stand to see someone that is happy and who is encouraging others to seek happiness, too.
Frankly, I refer to the haters as the “granola people” – - what ain’t fruits and nuts is flakes. If they were more concerned about getting their own heads and lives right, they would spend a lot less time criticizing others and attempting to make other people’s lives miserable. Ah…but doesn’t misery love company! The final foible of the self-hater. LOL!
Be good and keep up your encouraging work.
Thanks Jim!
I love this post! I’m so glad that someone is not only standing up to these bullies publicly, but making their tactics known as well.
I was on Madame Noir just a moment ago– I googled that story about the DBR hurling a bowling ball at the head of a BW who refused a drink at a bowling alley (your link didn’t work), and there was also a post about Robin Thicke, supposedly, saying that BM are better than WM for BW. Why do these women care so much who BW date or marry??? It’s such a puzzle to me. I know some of them are desperate for BM approval, but that doesn’t really account for the rest.
I understand that the BM who are anti-Black women dating non-BM ( or anyone, really) feel entitled to a potential harem of BW at their beck and call, but what does it matter to another woman, who claims she’s straight?
If the women who post these articles are so devoted to BM that they will even make subtle excuses for the bowling ball throwing a-hole, and publish an article about Robin Thicke with the title: “Robin Thicke says Black women aren’t better off with White men”(What the heck kind of title is that for a celebrity article anyway? And why ask him the question? ), why not just be grateful that there are fewer BW to compete with for the BM they love so much?
A perfect example of this behavior happened to me almost 3 weeks ago. I was at a Christmas party thrown by one of my cousins. I was there with my boyfriend (who’s White), and a woman acquainted with my cousin, through work, seemed determined to force her own husband on me rather than accept that I was happy with a White man. To say it was peculiar would be an understatement.
She even went so far as to try and FORCE her husband and I to hold hands!! I kid you not. Even her husband (who I pity) seemed shocked and embarrassed by her behavior.
I know mental illness has to play some sort of role in this insane behavior, but still…. I have no idea why supposedly straight BW care so much about what other BW are doing and who with. What do they get out of it, especially in this case, when sharing one’s own husband with a strange woman would be the prize for success?
Whoa…that’s just weird that this woman tried to force her husband on you, to the point that she made you hold his hand. Who does such things? =/
People who are truly happy are not threatened over another person’s contentment. I think the reason it so deeply bothers some women when they see a black woman and non-black man who are content together is that they start to feel doubt and insecurity that they typically waited for a “black kang” until 50, or dying alone. They want us to validate them. They need to believe that, even while in relationships with men who aren’t black, that we, like them, see a “black kang” as the ultimate, and somewhere inside, are fondly dreaming of a “black kang” (like dreaming of a White Christmas…lol). Hmm, I think the motives of the woman at the party are simpler, though…she probably has some fantasy her husband is unaware of… =/
Thanks, I fixed the link. The author’s suggestion that a woman accept drinks from a man she doesn’t want just so that he won’t get mad and harm her is VERY unwise. If he a man feels entitled to a woman just because she exists, imagine how he’d feel if he spent money on her. The author is unwittingly giving voice to a fear some women have: they think it’s safer to just say “yes” even when they’d prefer to say no. I’ve never had a male stranger call me names or otherwise mistreat me after I rebuffed him. I think it’s because I walk at a fast pace as if I have somewhere to be. Sometimes I smile and even say hi – but they don’t have a chance to continue because I’m too far away by then, LOL. If it’s noisy or crowded, I pretend I don’t hear or notice, or don’t know I’m the one they’re talking to. If we are walking in opposite directions and they try to stop me to talk, I tell them I’m in a hurry and really have to go. They believe me, since I tend to dress up. Whether or not someone is polite in declining, no one has the right to injure her for lacking interest. I posted under the article as “Lady,” in reply to one silly woman who actually claimed that this criminal was too harshly prosecuted. She got one “like,” probably from the same criminal, Googling his own name.
I started to reply to you on the Robin Thicke thing, but decided to just write an article about it. There are some specific points I’d like to discuss, anyway.
LOL, imagine if I went to my guy and presented the argument to him that I have a “right” to be in his dating pool. That’s absurd. If I am interested in an individual, then I attract him with my own individual qualities, inner and outer.
It’s just absurd of them to imply that black men’s rights to all women’s bodies was won through a justice movement. You can fight legally and politically for equal access to necessities of life, but can’t or shouldn’t be able to for the bodies, romantic love, or intimate lifelong partnerships of individuals. Slavery is over. I don’t see how a concept of “fairness” and “justice” can entitle a person to someone else’s body, romantic love, and lifelong partnership. They aren’t brave enough to follow the logic to one of its natural conclusions, which is that if a moral person should only consider the inside which can be changed, then gays and straights are wrong. What happens when a man or woman has much more in common with and a deeper connection to a person of the same sex – but that other person is straight? Are they entitled to a date/sex? Are they entitled to harass and start campaigns to shame and bully the person?
If black men, especially the American ones, are naturally and inherently the most desirable men on earth (as some, particularly black American men, argue), then it should not be viewed as a matter of justice and fairness when any woman is not interested for any reason. No messages to the inbox and certainly no bowling balls to the head.
Just wanted to pop in and say how much I love this site. Im so happy you updated!
I got lazy with the articles for a little bit, because the end of the semester at graduate school really had me beat! I’m back now. I should have at least one or more articles a week now.
Hi Velour,
I am normally a lurker but I find this particular posting to be very enlightening. I just want to say please keep up the good work.
I wish that black women would stop trying to explain themselves or justify their existence to those who haven’t demonstrated that they value and respect them.
The bm who claimed that they are the most desirable is delusion personified. In truth, bm are scrapping the bottom of the barrel in every aspect of the society but are on top when it comes to crime rate and such. Anyway, the truth is slowly but surely trickling out and there is no stopping it.
Hi Amy,
Thanks for posting.
Thanks for the encouragement, too.
I agree that it’s pathetic when a man claims he is “naturally” the most masculine, and therefore does not have to take any action in his life in order to be valued and respected by most people, and desired as a man by women. This mentality is the reason that some black men manage to remain at the bottom of society. In every society, men strive to prove their manhood, while black men who have this belief do not do so. It is indeed a highly delusional mentality.
Black men who do NOT think like this are more likely to contribute to society, be hard-working and provide for their families. On the other hand, the ones who believe they are so naturally manly tend to be bores to speak to (typically they talk about themselves, their genitalia and “swag”), low-achieving, bully and get violent with women who won’t have sex with them, and sleep around, thereby leaving a rainbow of out-of-wedlock children with various mothers in their wake.
@Velour
I look forward to your post on that strange Robin Thicke article.
The Christmas party incident has been analyzed by family and friends, and friends of friends, and most agree with you. They believe she wanted to act out some sort of fantasy involving me, her and her husband, or at least wanted to watch me with her husband — which I really don’t get. I’m not even married to my bf, I’ve known him less than a year, but I suspect that if I saw him having sex with another woman I would kill them both. Lol.
I like your advice about how to handle BM who think accosting women, they don’t even know, and demanding that they stop whatever they are doing to fake an interest in them is normal. The author of the Madame Noir article gave dangerous advice to her readers, and at the same time insinuated that the victim caused the attempt on her life by saying “no” to a strange man.
I was pleased to see that none of the commenters agreed with the authors ridiculous point of view. Frankly, I was not surprised to find that the author of the bowling ball throwing psycho article also wrote the article about Robin Thicke’s views on IRR. She was probably the one who liked that comment saying that the attempted murderer should not be charged with attempted murder.
Btw, I liked your response to the idiot who thinks that a man who hurls a 12-lb bowling ball at a woman’s head, because she turned down an unwanted drink, should not be charged with attempted murder. Where do people who think this way come from?! Are they just surrounded by so much dysfunction that attempting murder — but failing — seems like a small thing? This type of stuff and the “Let’s make a joke out of it”, or pretend it never happened, mentality of some Back folks in this country makes me want to cut all ties and leave the U.S. altogether.
Remember the girl whose life was saved by her weave? We’re supposed to find the whole thing humorous. No one has EVER mentioned how much prison time –if any — the scum bag who tried to kill her (because she wouldn’t let him live off of her like a leech anymore) got sentenced to. I guess it would stop being funny if that was mentioned….
Or the woman and her daughter who were shot by a strange BM who walked past their house, saw them eating on the porch and demanded that they cook for him; when they refused he came back with a gun and attempted to kill them both (the daughter died). That was supposed to be funny too, according to the DBR contingent.
And the idea that the Civil Rights Movement was about the Black man’s right to stick his penis in whomever he wished, with his victims having NO RIGHT to choose who has access to their own bodies is just beyond ridiculous. Since when is dating / courtship meant to be “fair”. Humans desire those who appeal to their senses, being “fair” to the losers of the world is irrelevant.
If someone is incapable of attracting a mate who actually desires their presence, that’s their problem. This is real life, not an Aldous Huxley novel. And why are only BW expected to be PC and “give a brotha a chance”? Do they ever preach this bull crap to the BM on YouTube who post BW are evil and want to destroy the BM / BC videos? I doubt it.
I could never do anything like that with my husband, either. If I watched him touching another woman, I would loathe him forever, playing the images over and over in my mind until our marriage fell apart and we divorced. I like having someone who is all mine, who I am special to and whose life I can’t be replaced in…even if it sounds selfish when I put it that way, LOL (it’s not really selfish, because it’s mutual). Last year, I saw statistics that open marriages tend to have a high rate of failure. It seems that the best thing to do, if one wants to have sex with people other than ones partner, is to not get married.
I can tell by the titles of articles some black women link to or discuss on social media platforms that the women who write “black love” sites are getting desperate and encouraging their subscribers to consider open marriages with black men. Women complain that there is at least one article advocating or raising the question of open marriage on every “black love” sites nowadays. It’s funny and sad that some women will share a man just because he has some likely worthless quality called “swag” LOL (I don’t know what this is, but I remember a black woman on YouTube insisted that black women in interracial relationships are faking being happy with white men and were actually dreaming of a black man’s “swag”…LOL…what??! I kid you not).
Mo’Nique and some other married black celebrity women are advocating open relationships (though Mo’Nique’s issue is that she was raped by her own brother growing up, and her parents did nothing to stop it; no one who has a history of long term sexual abuse should be giving relationship advice before receiving therapy to overcome unresolved issues). I would never be so desperate as to share a man just to keep him around. I don’t care what color he is. Why bother being stuck in an unhappy marriage with a man who doesn’t cherish the woman or the marriage relationship, and thus tells her that he’s doing her a favor by marrying her when he could be sewing his wild oats, and so she’d better acquiesce to his demands. That is psychological abuse, and a pointless and worthless “marriage.” It’s better to stay single.
A black man once wrote under my “Don’t Settle…Get a Man On Your Level” video, “So what are these women: Coretta Scott King, Oprah,Michelle Obama, Jada Smith, Beyonce,Camille O. Cosby, These are the ones that didn’t settle.” I told him, um…Martin L. King was a serial adulterer; Bill Cosby is a serial adulterer (I remember years ago when a white woman and her biracial daughter were blackmailing him, and he was scared to say anything because he feared he was the father); Will and Jada are a cute couple (I guess everyone likes Will)…but Will and Jada have an open marriage wherein they each can or do have extramarital sex with whomever they find attractive; Beyonce is married to a thug who got rich with blood money he earned performing lyrics that exploit and glamorize black criminality and degrade women…(a saggy thug with money is still a saggy thug…and his looks don’t make up for it); Obama is biracial (white American/black Kenyan ethnicity) and was raised primarily by his white grandparents, so how exactly is his relationship with Michelle “black love”?? The man who wrote me did nothing on the site but complain about black women, anyway, so he should’ve been indifferent to my video, if anything. As I told him, he had no reason to post about “black love” under an interracial video, when I’d never made a comparison, and then I wouldn’t have commented on black relationships. They like to force and harass people, claiming “black love” has hidden, “magical” properties. Please. That is just pure desperation, when these are just relationships like any other. They are extremely vocal as an attempt to cover for the fact that many black relationships are not going so well.
LOL…Velour, you broke down the marriage of those couples wonderfully! Of coure he would have nothing of substance to say in response.
I didn’t check under her name and notice the Robin Thicke article she wrote to make love between black women and white men look bad. I thought she was just being extremely naïve, foolish or misguided to think a disturbed man with entitlement issues would leave a woman alone if she’s nice and lets him buy her drinks…so I’m glad you pointed this out, because now it’s clear she has an agenda. It’s incredible that a woman would take things this far, trying to get women to give any lunatic who approaches them a chance. They are doing everything in their power to get black women to stay away from interracial relationships and devote our bodies to the cause of appeasing every black man. SMH…things are truly getting desperate in “black kang land”…! Misery loves company.
The woman who was arguing that this criminal did not deserve to be charged with attempted murder is probably the same type who enable boys to become criminals by excusing their behavior as they grow up. These women usually didn’t have fathers who are active in their lives, so as adults they baby grown men, hoping these men will be there for them unconditionally and protect them from harm in a way they always wanted their own fathers to be there for them and protect them. These women need therapy to find out why they are trying to protect grown men from normal life: i.e. bearing the consequences of their own actions, and experiencing the disappointment of knowing that not every person they want will be attracted to them. These are things all people experience.
Exactly, Jessica, you never see people calling white and other women racist, hateful, or foolish just for having preferences for another color. When middle-aged white women describe wild mandingo slave sexual encounters with younger black men (I actually observed white women describing black boyfriends as “mandingos”…eh, to each his own), no one accuses these white women of racism for not also having sex with white men. Yet, people harass me, a married woman, for not having paid my dues before marriage by sexing up a few black men.
Black men in the U.S. have a higher “never married” percentage than black women according to statistics, even though there are 2 million more black women than men in the country – so, basically, all black women should gift free dates and sex to any black man who wants it just to be “fair,” though the chances of marriage are slim. They could send their bullying messages to unmarried black men instead, and have them marry women who scream “black love”/”black kang” from the rooftops instead. Jill Scott and Angie Stone are still single. Poor Angie just turned 50, and still doesn’t have the “Brotha” and “legendary black love” she sung about. I remember hearing it when I was in High School…it’s pretty sad. The music video was projecting images of famous and great black men onto her lover, who seemed to be a saggy pantser whose only care in the world is having expensive sneakers on his feet. The superior men to whom she compared this male must have been rolling in their graves. It’s silly to act like all people who share the same color/gender combination are the same person, so that some guy who hasn’t even managed to get his oversized clown pants to stay up around his waist can be given credit for the achievements of Martin Luther King and other better men.
WOW! I have to admit that I am completely shocked that Will and Jada Smith have an open marriage. They always seem so committed to each other and happy. But I guess that would explain some of the rumors about Jada and Marc Anthony, and why JLo left him. Not that I believe every celebrity rumor, but in light of this new info, it could be true.
Speaking of celebrities, there’s a fat WW comedian who makes her love of BM part of her stand-up routine, and as far as I can tell NO ONE seems offended by it. Even when some of the stuff she says strikes me (just my opinion) as a tad racist. If a BW went on TV, or anywhere else, and simply stated that she preferred dating WM there would be a huge outcry from the so-called BC, saying that she hated BM and Black people in general. ‘Cause you know it’s not possible for a BW to care about other Black folks unless she has a BM between her legs. Lol.
Did you hear about that Essence article about Jill Scott (last year?) where she said that she was bothered by BM dating non-BW. I hate those types of articles, mostly because they seem written for the sole purpose of portraying BW as anti-IRR, BM worshiping bigots searching for the elusive “good BM”, which is simply not the case for most BW… That I know anyway.
I’ve noticed that no one ever writes articles about BM who hate seeing BW with non-BM (even while they date the rainbow themselves). And I have come across a LOT of them in real life and online, and you have obviously had a whole lot of experience with such BM, because of your website and YT channel. The whole “BW hate IRR” campaign feels like a form of gaslighting to me. Maybe they’re trying to convince us that is how we feel, or should feel.
I was shocked when I found out about Will and Jada’s open marriage, too, but both admitted it in separate interviews. The link to both interviews in this article. http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2011/08/25/jada-pinkett-smith-will-smith-open-marriage-marc-anthony/ I don’t understand the rumors about them having troubles in paradise due to Jada supposedly having an affair with Marc Anthony, since their marriage allows for this. Maybe Will couldn’t handle it, as he imagined he could. This typically happens in open marriages.
I heard about Jill Scott. I touched upon that in an article a few months ago. There is always someone eagerly prepared with a mic and camera to put troubled women who allow their self-worth to be determined by the color of the woman on a black man’s arm. Yet, as you pointed out, no one seeks to interview the angry, jealous black men who rant and threaten black women in interracial relationships, despite the fact that there have been violent incidents in recent years by black men against BW/WM couples, such as Jan Pawel Pietrzak and Quiana Jenkins Pietrzak, and Brian Milligan Jr. and Nicola Fletcher.
Some media outlets are deliberately attempting to paint black women as undesirable, by making it seem as we must beg and cry for black men to date us or stay alone. They like to portray interracial relationships as something black men do with white women, while black women remain on the outside looking in. Essence loves to do such things, because the silly women who write it are “waitin on a black kang,” and think their black kangs will feel guilty and “come home” if they make it appear that black women are pitifully and loyally waiting. Women like Jill, The View’s Sherry and these Essence writers should speak for themselves – or better yet get therapy – and stop claiming that they present the experiences and perspective of black women in general.
been viewing your site for a little while now and I think it’s awesome I’m a 43 yr old white guy living in Tuscaloosa Alabama and I would just like to say that bw are absolutely and totally amazing and beautiful … Don’t ever think or let anyone tell you differently , I can only speak for myself but I totally l love and admire y’all , y’all are the mothers to our entire race ( the human race ) and that commands and demands respect and admiration !!!!!! Believe me , you have mine …… For what ever it’s worth I think y’all incredible , dont ever bow to anyone !!!!! Life is tooooooo short to worry about what others think , go find your prince ( no matter who or where that may be ) and live and love as if each day is your last
Hi Tommy. Welcome to the site. Thanks for your thoughts.
I think you’re absolutely right, Velour. But the media would not be able to paint BW in such a way if there were not women like Sherry Shepard(?) and Jill Scott publicly making fools of themselves and claiming that they represent the American BW’s POV. I’m a American BW and they do not represent me, nor anyone I know.
What’s interesting is that no matter how BM may feel about BW with non-BM, they always lie when there is a chance that their words could be made public. I have a WW friend who used to date BM, when she was younger, and she has said that every BM she ever dated went ballistic (in private) after he saw a BW with a non-BM; one of her exes even had an issue with BW dating light-skinned BM and BM from foreign lands.
And keep in mind that these BM were the types who constantly bashed BW to her, and anyone else who would listen. BUT none of them went around broadcasting their aversion to BW/non-BM relationships. Were it not for the anonymity of the internet, you would probably never know such a large number of BM even existed.
It is not wise to broadcast your thoughts and feelings to anyone and everyone. Especially not to folks who may wish you harm. The Sherrys and JIlls of America are simply supplying their enemies with all the ammo and battle plans they will ever need to inflict more “hurt” on them, nothing more. If crying about not being able to find a “good BM” worked, wouldn’t all such women be happily committed to someone by now?
No other group of people does this. WW will do sneaky, evil things to you when they know you are dating or married to a WM, but they will not announce to the world that it “hurts their heart”. Even BM know when to keep their mouths shut, despite their (sometimes) psychopathic behavior in regards to BW dating/marrying non-BM.
If only there was a way to convince these whiny women who have CHOSEN to waste their lives to keep their desperation and misery to themselves, or at least out of public view.
Oh, I almost forgot, the link to your article that mentions Jill Scott doesn’t work.
I agree, Jessica. Most other people know not to publicize every “wince” of jealousy, bitterness and insecurity they feel. They realize that all they would achieve by doing so is to worsen their situation by making themselves look undesirable to others. Sherry and Jill need to get therapy, rather than expose their issues before the world. I doubt that such women will ever get a clue, though.
The only remedy is for each woman who does not share their issues to express her own perspective so that people know that the Jills and Sherries don’t represent black women.
I forgot to put the http:// part at the beginning of the link. This is why some didn’t work for you, though they work in my browser. I fixed it now.
@ Jessica
I am not surprised to find out that BM who date WW or other non-BW are often the first to get upset whenever a BW goes IR. They seem to really have it in for BW. Fortunately, it has also been my experience that BM who are NOT anti-BW also have no problem with BW/non-BM. I guess they’re just happy to see men of all races appreciating BW.
@ Brandon
That is so true. I have BM friends and relatives who have no problem with my IRR, and all of them love and prefer BW, and primarily or exclusively date BW. That fact alone would make you think that they would be against BW in IRR, but nothing could be further from the truth.
That’s why I don’t trust the folks — male and female — who push “Black love” (even the name is stupid. Love is love). It’s odd that they only market the concept to BW and never to BM. Last I checked, you can’t be in love by yourself.
Right, a black man will just want to see you happy more than anything if he genuinely cares about you as your friends and relatives do.
On the other hand, the immature black men who would attempt to tell a black woman she’s unwanted or write other stories designed to terrify her away from men of other colors are motivated by their own egos (and sex organs).
Yes, this…
“It’s odd that they only market the concept to BW and never to BM. Last I checked, you can’t be in love by yourself”
So So true! love that comment.
Hi velour, I would first like to say that I found your site a few weeks ago and I am in love with it. I’ve almost caught up on all the articles and they are all lovely. Well I’m writing for a bit of advice that I’m hoping you could help with me. Well I’m an African American young women (20 years of age to be exact) and I’m so fascinated with interracial relationships. It even goes as far as the fact that when I think about my husband I Dnt picture him being black. I picture either white or some other ethnicity (I’m nt trying to offend anyone). I just want something different. I’ve been around black men my entire life . Im in need of a change of scenery if you no what I mean. This is the thing though, sometimes I fear my physical apperance isn’t enough to cross the racial Barrier. I’m nt saying I’m disgusting looking Ive actually gotten hit on my a good bit of ethnicites in my day (including white) but I still feel insecure like I’m nt good enough to date someone of another race. I think it stems from my grandmother telling me that white men aren’t attracted to “colored women” (lol she kind if talked like a slave being that were from the south). I feel like I can never really talk to my friends about it because I hate sounding vulnerable and insecure, and I feel like they would understand wouldn’t I’m going through being that there only attracted to african American men. No I’m am not desperate for a man or anything of the sort but I just hate feeling insecure about this sort of thing. To me interracial relationships are so beautiful. I love the way my caramel skin looks against white skin (it’s an odd thing ik). I just dont want to feel this way forever because my insecurities may one day block my blessings.
Hi Johnaya. You should read this article, where someone had a similar question: http://interracialintersection.com/can-my-features-attract-men-across-the-color-line/
Also, it’s never ok to feel “insecure” and “not good enough” in comparison to anyone, for any reason. It’s an unhealthy state of being. It’s never ok to date or marry someone to whom you feel inferior; it is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship, as you would attract either someone who agrees and therefore treats you abusively, or someone with a savior complex with whom you would have a co-dependent relationship.
Sorry about the spelling errors…
A black man just wrote this to me under an article: “it seems you and friends have had bad experiences in your life and written a whole race of men off”
Not being that attracted to black men (on my part) could only be the result of past trauma or some sort of mental problem…LOL. Pretty funny.
“it seems you and friends have had bad experiences in your life and written a whole race of men off”.
Oh wow, and the lies continue LOL. That ridiculous notion is constantly being used to explain why a black woman dates/marries interracially.
Six years ago, my mum’s friend (white american woman) said, she dislikes white men, because her ex-husband cheated on her, so she began dating only black men, a married man to be exact. No one says to these women, “you had a bad experience and wrote off a whole race of men”. Oh no! she probably just desires a black man, like all women.
If I “wrote a whole race of men off“, then it’s news to me. I’ve always, ALWAYS been attracted to white and asian men. As a child in the Caribbean, I only had crushes on east asian boys. When we moved to the U.S, I had crushes on white and asian men. I’ve been attracted to non-black men ALL my life. It has nothing to do with having a “bad experience”.
I guess all black men are “gods”, which makes it impossible for any woman, especially a black woman, to resist him, so if “his woman” isn’t infatuated with him, it’s because she was wronged by “her man” or has self-hatred, really? No one tries to analyze a black man dating interracially EVEN when some had gone as far as degrading black women in the media in order to justify their choice.
Not all women are attracted to black men. They need to learn to accept the truth, instead of making assumptions or speaking on our behalf. Our IR relationship isn‘t the sphinx, it’s as simple as attraction.
Same with me. When I was in kindergarten, I was attracted to some white guys, and then to some East Asian guys once I reached high school age and had a crush on a Japanese guy in my class. When I was little, I preferred blond white guys, but my preference shifted to darker-haired during Junior High.
Some egos are bruised at the discovery that women exist who are not interested in black men in that way. The only way to save face is to claim that we have psychological problems that stop us from succumbing to the “natural magnetism of a black man” (LOL, this expression is actually used). It’s a delusional line of thinking. These individuals need to come to terms with the reality that black men are just men, and thus there will be some women who are attracted to them, and other women who are not. It’s called “life.” Some individuals out there need to get over their penises, and get one. =/
Normally, I am attracted to some white guys with dark hair and light eyes…I enjoy the contrasts between dark hair/light eyes and dark hair/light skin. I am attracted to some East Asian guys for similar reasons, but they have their own unique features which I also find quite interesting.
Now and then, I find guys with short, dark blond hair attractive (the ones who look like Ryan Phillipe), but the majority of the guys I’m into fit the above description.
I find guys from a particular South Asian country interesting to look at, but it’s not really an attraction. I’m not really attracted to other types of guys.
I do have “types” and “preferences.” *Shrugs* C’est la vie lol. Worked out for me.
I completely agree with you guys about the attraction thing. I myself have always be attracted to white and Spanish men, and I just recently started to have a thing for Asian and middle eastern men. Im slightly attracted to black men but it’s very rare. I’ve had 2 boyfriends Thus far and they’ve both been mixed. I Dnt want to have to apologize to black men for having a preference. A black man even told me “if you hate black men you must hate your father”. How cliche. I Dnt hate black men whatsoever I’m just rarely ever sexually attracted to them. People cnt help whom they are attracted to
I almost never saw East Asian guys before High School. This is why I didn’t realize I was attracted to some East Asian guys before then.
I’m attracted to some guys from Latin America…
@Johnaya
You owe NO ONE an apology or explanation regarding your attractions and relationships.
Insecure BM will always pull a “If you don’t sleep with a BM you must hate BM/Black folks/Your parents” on you. In my experience, this usually comes from BM who date non-BW. Feel free turn the tables and ask if their hatred for BW is why they sleep with non-BW? Or else smile and respond with my favorite refrain: “If you say so.” Make that your go to response. These types of BM (and BW) hate it, because what can they really say if all your responses to their ignorant accusations are a shrug and a good natured “If you say so”? You’re appearing to agree with their accusation(s), while letting them know that you could care less about their feelings regarding how you live YOUR life.
Trust me, it is darn near impossible to get an argument started with someone who appears to be agreeing with you, but is completely indifferent to your feelings on a particular topic. If they have functional brains, they will tire of trying to goad you into an argument, that will go nowhere (which is why you should NEVER argue with these fools), and move on to easier prey. Otherwise, simply smile (in amusement at their stupidity) and keep it moving.
They’re really just looking to you to make them feel better about themselves, and you’re not being paid to do that, are you?
FYI, a modified version of this has worked for me with the idiots who want to distract from real issues/topics and start a divergent /distracting argument on YT comments and blogs that are poorly moderated as well. Fools like that are easier to manage than you might think.
The world has moved on so much and people are still carrying on about black women’s dating and marriage options. Please, people need to get over themselves quick. Black women are big hard back women and they are entilted to make up their own minds, how they run their lives, that is between them and Jesus. People really need to move on. Black women live all over the world.
They will attract men of other races, that is only natural.
People bringing scriptures to justify why black women should not be inter-racial relationships are lying and they cannot speak for God. They are going into a very dangerous place. The bible is full of people who married interracially, once you and the person are in Christ, God is happy, after all he made the races. God will not be mocked.
Velour you are doing a good job, I thoroughly enjoy your blog. Blessings and Happy New Year.
Thanks Valerie, for the well wishes. Happy New Year to you!
Ever since I was so insecure of my skin and height compared to any other race. I am an Asian and have brown and I really feel the others are dominant over me. I have been chatting and making friends to almost guys from around the world hoping I could find true love in them. I had also relationships but it never really last long. And I am worrying more about our traits and culture difference but of course I am also willing to overcome it all.
Being born with brown skin doesn’t make anyone else naturally dominant/superior to someone who’s lighter. Men in your region may discriminate on who they’ll marry due to family pressure, but men in general worldwide just see a woman regardless of her skin tone, and are liable to follow their hearts in increasing numbers since many don’t have intensely controlling families. As long as she’s reasonably attractive and has a nice personality that he can imagine being around for the rest of his life and raising his children, he’ll be interested.
I’ve never felt that a man was doing me a favor by finding me attractive or wanting to be in a relationship with me just because my skin is brown. A man is in my company because he’s earned the pleasure of my company (though I also cultivated a character that makes it pleasing for others to interact with me as well). Brown-skinned women who have a high self-esteem will be able to find good men and make these relationships last, but women who feel scared that they’ll never meet anyone may become clingy and scare good men off quickly. Men are enthralled by confident women and want to know more. It’s not easy to foster high self-esteem when others around seem negative about it, but it’s important that we spend as much time as possible around those who appreciate our inner and outer beauty so that we don’t absorb the negativity. Physical traits don’t affect the way individuals in romantic relationships interact unless they choose to let it, because at the end of the day we’re all just humans. Culture isn’t hard to blend much of the time…what’s most important is whether or not the cultural values are enough alike, or the personal values are enough alike (if the person isn’t much into any culture).
One guy ranted to me yesterday, “Excuse me, but the Title ‘Interracial Intersection for Black Women’ is seems very deceptive, are you really in reality pushing an ‘Everything But A Relationship With A Black Man’ agenda? I’m curious…”
I don’t know what gives certain males the idea that they can invade sites that have nothing to do with them, and start interrogating people. Outrageous…he has some nerve, really, LOL. These individuals who are writing me think they were born with a natural rights over my body and life, but they were not – and they have no natural rights over the bodies and lives over any other woman, either, including those who visit my site. Therefore, they’re entitled to no explanation as to why the bodies of some women here are not available to them. His “curiosity” and whatever feelings of suspicion he has are his business and problem. I simply wished him luck in working them out before I dismissed him with my block button.
By the way, what gives some black American men the idea that, if you lack interest in them, you are somehow being “deceived” or brainwashed? :/ How exactly did I brainwash or trick any black woman into clicking on a page that is clearly entitled “Interracial Intersection for Black Women” in search results? LOL. The truth is that the black women who come here know exactly what they’re getting, and no one held a gun to their heads to get them here. Women and men come here and let me know what they want, and I just give the best advice I can based on that. It’s just pure delusion that allows him to convince himself otherwise. :/
Two female individuals have also ranted that I’m “obsessed” with interracial relationships. This is the latest shaming tactic used by female members of the “black love” brigade.
There is a celebrity on Facebook who always speaks proudly of his black wife and their son, and discusses the joys and trials of his interracial relationship and multiracial family. One of these females of the “black love” crew demanded of him, “WHY do you always mention that your wife is black??”
Notice they never approach those “black love” sites or magazines and accuse them of being obsessed with the concept of “black love,” or accuse people who have general dating and relationships pages of being obsessed with the subject of dating and relationships.
They simply don’t want people like us having any visibility or voices at all; they want to ensure that they are the only image and voice of black women. Also, I think they may also be deeply envious; after all, they are always unmarried, and unhappily so. They attempt to hide the fact that there are other black women who exercise our natural ability to attract men, who form happy marriages and families, freely interact with a variety of people, maybe even travel, and do other things that many normal women do when they have the opportunity. Not all women are secretly pining away for the attention of babydaddy who’s “hood” and has “swag” (or whatever is said), and has a dark thing in his sagging pants. That is nice for whomever is into it, but not my cup of tea…so there is no use in anyone sending me such silly messages bragging about these things. I live a full life and sleep well at night, LOL.
Of course, everyone has different beliefs, values, ways, etc.
Some people want to date interracially, others choose to stay in their race, and the rest may be neutral of dating/marrying anyone regardless.
Regardless of race or so, everyone has the right to be with any person he/she is interested. Family relatives, friends, and people in general must stay out of their love life unless they know the ugly truth about that person.