Can My Features Attract Men Across the Color Line?

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A black woman wrote to me recently that she’d heard all her life that she does not have features that can attract men of other colors, particularly white men.

She was told by these people that her lips are too full, her nose too flat, and her butt too big to attract a variety of men.

My anonymous friend, most men worldwide will tell you that a woman’s full, luscious lips are the stuff of dreams and legends.

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Full lips are commonly seen as sexy and womanly…and it’s no wonder, as research shows that fuller lips are an indicator of estrogen. Celebrities and everyday women alike who weren’t blessed with naturally full lips often use collagen injections, lip plumping cosmetics, and other techniques to temporarily attain this kissable look. As women, your naturally full lips and mine are an asset, not a curse. Flaunt them! Men will tell you how much they love and prefer kissing fuller, rounder lips (I speak from personal experience, of course)! Apparently, full lips equals more fun!

Similarly, research shows that natural curves, including an ample, curvy behind, are caused by estrogen, and this is why so many straight men love this feature. A round derrière is another wonderful, womanly asset! l_1e88c94017288015d934722711d191a0

(I don’t want to make this a raunchy blog, but I feel I must illustrate my examples.)

What seems to be a turn-off to many men is the obviously artificial look below.

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This woman has implants (the line of the implants on the thigh in the photo to the right and the overall unnatural look make this fact clear). The vast majority of women featured in “black men’s” magazines in the U.S. use implants. This look appeals nearly exclusively to men with an extreme fetish for buttocks, just as only men with a breast fetish prefer ridiculously huge, plastic-looking breast implants that rest awkwardly on the chest – and just as, all else being equal, most women would choose a man with a toned body over one who has that steroid look consisting of artificially bloated muscles.

Even if you aren’t so thin, you’ll attract plenty of men of various colors if you tone up your body through exercise so that the extra pounds show up in the right places. I know several women who have thick, yet fit or rather firm bodies and do attract a wide variety of men (white, Middle Eastern, Latino, etc).

We’ll get to the rest of your letter in a minute, but first a word from my husband on these matters:

“Many white men like black women’s features even though a lot won’t admit to it. Why won’t he admit to it? Because he’s thinking the same thing. ‘Will she find me too pale?[…]’ and the list goes on and on. Asking if a white man will like your features is like asking will he like a brunette or a blonde. Every man has different tastes in what he finds attractive in a woman’s physical features. […] You might not be able to attract every single man in the world since no two men have the same exact same taste in women – but women are the same way when choosing men. Don’t take it personally when you find one man that doesn’t find you attractive, because I guarantee there are twenty more that would do anything just to get the chance to go on a date with you.”

There are white men who prefer the sort of black features you described to me in your letter. A friend who dates interracially told me of white man she knew who flew to Haiti just to find and marry a dark-skinned woman with the sort of features you describe. That is what he wanted, and he flew across the world to find it.

Those who are “warning” you that you aren’t capable of attracting white men don’t and can’t speak for all white men. They are speaking from their own biases, and typically have an ulterior motive for discouraging a black woman from dating interracially. I would cut myself off from these voices, and discard their opinions as trash, as these opinions are worth nothing more. Go out and experience the world for yourself.

Discover and experiment with fashion as all women do until you discover what styles work best to complement the natural beauty of your features. Go out looking your best and knowing it, and wearing a friendly smile. When you approach the world with an open mind, you will notice for yourself the number of guys who are checking you out; it will be far more than you ever imagined or noticed before. Don’t be afraid to be a bit flirtatious. I can guarantee that there are white guys who will be into you.

These two women in the two videos below are identical twins, and both are happily married across the color line. Obviously, if it was just lightning striking, it would not have struck twice in the same spot!

Here are a few random photos of married (and one engaged) couples!

Heather Headley and Brian MussoAudra Mcdonald & Peter Donavan with daughterMatthew Booth from South african football team and wife Sonia Bonneventia, former Miss South AfricaDara & Oded PincasOlympic Star Mary Wineberg & Chris WinebergOluchi Onweagba and Luca Orlandi with babyKim WayansTina Frimpong & Brad Ellertson with daughterChaz & Roger EbertAlek Wek and BoyfriendLydia  & Mats CarlsonMel Leventhal and Alice Walker with daughter Rebecca WalkerMarco Aquilar & Rynthia Rost

About Velour

I am a young woman who's Caribbean by heritage and American by birth. I'm married to a white man, whom I met during my teens. We've been together for nearly a decade. I have some female relatives and friends who are also married interracially. I share my experiences and thoughts in order to encourage and support other black women who are in interracial relationships or considering the possibility, and men who are interested in or in interracial relationships with black women.