This article was written for Interracial Intersection by SheRocks07.
Men are Men…
Black women who are attracted to Asian men often ask me how to meet and connect with them, “because those guys are known to be shy and don’t approach us.”
Truth is, there are confident and shy people in every community. Asian men aren’t any different from other men (just like black women aren’t any different from other women).
…So Get Your Flirt On!
But, like all men, Asian men need to be given signals that it’s okay to approach a woman. The problem is, the same way many black women have been brainwashed into thinking they’re the “bottom of the totem pole” (whatever that stupid lie is supposed to mean) and therefore men can’t possibly be attracted to them, Asian men have been fed the same bullcrap. Consequently, the one you’re interested in may think he’s not interesting to you at all. This is why it is crucial that black women who are interested in Asian men send them signals that they’re open to interacting with them. Make eye contact, smile at him – in other words, get your flirt on!
What to Do if You Have Trouble Meeting or are Hesitant
That said, from my observations, there are two types of women who have a hard time meeting and connecting with Asian guys. The first type is the woman who is attracted to them but hardly knows about anything Asian, and the second is the woman or young girl who admires Asian men and cultures in “secrecy,” because of the “rules” that black women are taught to follow within the black community.
- For the first group: Culture is a major element in your relationship with an Asian man. If you want a man to show interest in you and your culture (NOTE: I’m not talking about that so-called “culture” of “acting, dressing and talking black”), it’s only fair and natural to get to know his. It has to go both ways. I suggest you start attending Asian events, Asian art museums, cultural festivals, get more familiar with Asian-American and/or Asian entertainment, get to know the dishes, traditions, go to a few concerts, comedy shows, etc. Can you make the difference between Chinese, Korean and Japanese cultures (art, dishes, languages, traditions) for example? Do you know other Asian celebs besides Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee and Jet Li? What is the capital of Malaysia? Could you find the Philippines on a map? What is a Yukata? What is ChuSeok? Cultural knowledge matters if you’re interested in dating out, for we can’t ignore the fact that interracial dating often implies intercultural dating. Where to meet Asian guys? Search places with a predominantly Asian crowd in your area, like Asian restaurants for instance? Any Asian events near you? Google away, people. If you live in a big city, what about hanging out in Chinatown or Koreatown? And, of course, you can use dating sites such as Black Women and Asian Men United or join AMBW groups like the ones available on Facebook.
- For the second group: Staying true to yourselves is the only way to live well and have what you really want in life. Black people are harsh on black women when it comes to individuality. When we don’t follow the rules of the “Real Black Woman” – Rule #1 being “Thou Shall Not Date Out” – we are often seen as “race traitors” and “self-haters.” My question is…SO WHAT? So what if somebody calls you a sellout and self-hating “wh*re” for dating out or being interested in different cultures and men? As if women who date strictly within their ethnicity never get called all the names in the book. Some of the messages I receive from women and young girls (17 to 20) who get teased the moment they try to be themselves sadden me, because I know how it feels. Still, you must choose yourself over
the naysayers, and go for what you want. You will always lose if you try to live up to someone else’s standards. You cannot want others to accept you as you are when you don’t even accept yourself, including your tastes and preference(s), for fear of being judged. Enough of the guilt trips already!! A man is a man! Ladies, freedom is a choice. If you think Takeshi Kaneshiro is the SEXIEST MAN alive, or if you happen to prefer Korean food over Soul Food, CHOOSE to embrace that. If you’ve always wanted to move to China, CHOOSE to follow your heart!!
Put yourself out there and open up to the world.
When you embrace it, it embraces you: