Black Women Can Only Aspire to be Sex Objects?

According to some people who are very vocal in their stance against black women dating interracially, the most a black woman can ever aspire to from a non-black man is to be used as a sexual object. This propaganda has […]

According to some people who are very vocal in their stance against black women dating interracially, the most a black woman can ever aspire to from a non-black man is to be used as a sexual object. This propaganda has been on the rise lately, so I feel the need to share my own thoughts and analysis.

First, it should be offensive to any black woman and those who genuinely support us the idea that there’s something so wrong or different about a black woman that it requires a man of a special skin color to love us. They argue that in all other men we can only inspire either hateful, racist thoughts or pure lust.

Black women who are exposed to this sickening propaganda need to remember that there IS no problem with you as a black woman. We are women just like any other women on this earth. Just as uniquely beautiful, just as wondrous, just as feminine. The problem lies with the people who are spreading the propaganda. They are the ones who came up with these ideas because they themselves look down on black women. The few black women who present this argument do so because they feel deeply insecure about themselves as black women. They have absorbed all of the negative propaganda spread about black women by various forces into their souls and have become convinced that they are somehow “wrong” or inferior. They then project these thoughts onto everyone else. They think it’s impossible for anyone other than those think they have been “racially assigned” to them and/or are on their supposed level of inferiority to be with them by choice. These women tend to be single, and it is precisely this negative self-talk that causes that condition. These women aren’t healthy and, for the sake of your own mental health, you shouldn’t heed their words. Most of the people spreading the propaganda, though, are black men. The motives are clear: they do so for their own benefit. Black women having a dating pool that is not limited to black men alone is a threat to these individuals. Increased competition means having to strive harder to attract women. If a man is too lazy or feels incapable of rising to the challenge, he will tear you, the woman, down until you feel undeserving of anything good, and he will tear down the competition so you feel the competition is not worthwhile and won’t bother pursuing it.

Secondly – and this will be a touchy topic – I’m going to discuss when and how black women are often demoted into sexual objects. In the hip-hop world, black women are often described using the most degrading terms imaginable for a woman. In the midst of the degradation, we see black women “shaking their booties” in rap videos. Often, they don’t bother showing the women’s faces. The lyrics and booty-shaking frame these women in a male perspective and is clearly targeted toward male viewers. The women have no voice, no face. They merely exist through male eyes, and only as “booty” meant to sexually entice men. In other words, they are mere sexual objects. These images are available to and seen by the general population. It’s no secret to most of us that sites like YouTube have far too many black men who have not a word to say about black women that is not hateful. Yet the very same individuals are most likely to have their YouTube Favorites filled with “booty-shaking” videos. That is to say, they have an active, obsessive loathing of black women, yet have a deep sexual interest in black women at the same time. In other words, black women are no good to these men other than as sex objects. The extremely low rate of marriage between black people in the U.S. coupled with the high rate of out-of-wedlock births seems to tell a story of eagerness for sex that far outweighs eagerness to commit or to care for offspring on the part of many men. Considering the high rate of success of black women’s interracial marriages, which are right on top with the most successful marriages of any type, one could technically make the case that it’s the other way around, that men raised in the black American community are the ones most likely to use black women for sex. Marriages based on sex alone would not last, while relationships based on just sex may never reach to marriage in the first place, though they may produce out of wedlock babies.

Third – to explain this briefly so I won’t bore you – scientists found a long time ago that there is no such thing as race within the human race. There is little genetic variation between populations, and there is significant overlapping between them and therefore these various populations can’t accurately be called “races.” What differences do exist amount to insignificant physical traits such as skin color, eye color, hair color, nose shapes, eye shapes and hair texture that developed to increase the chances of a group’s health, comfort or survival in its environment (or that were simply genetic mutations like hair or eye color). With that in mind, someone making a claim such as “only people of your race can genuinely love you” is illogical. Doesn’t it sound ridiculous that skin, hair, nose or eyes could somehow determine whether or not someone has the capacity to love you? You know it does. That’s determined ONLY by the character of the individual in question. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Even if someone claims that the existence of racism will produce people who are racist toward you, they are still eliminating free will and rational thought, which humans in general have the capacity for. We always have choices. People are never purely the product of “systems.” Remember the people who grew up during the slave era in the U.S. who did NOT adapt the ideology of their day. They came to realize it was morally wrong, wrote literature based on this reasoning, created and assisted with the Underground Railroad, and many even fought and died to end it.

That said, consider men as individuals, pay attention to whether or not they are consistently interested in and even fascinated by the details of your life, activities of the day, interests, troubles, experiences, deepest thoughts, and so on, and whether they are sharing theirs with you just as much. My suggestion is to skip them if they sleep around, are overly preoccupied with the subject of sex or constantly pressure you into having sex when you’re not ready. As Sarah said – and I reiterate – if a man has a genuine interest in you as a person rather than your body alone, he will be willing to wait. My choice has been to wait until marriage. In my current relationship (I am in a longterm interracial relationship with a white man and we will be having a winter wedding in January) I let things progress naturally as our feelings for one another deepened, but I am not open to sex before marriage because that’s the way I was raised and I’ve made it one of my personal values. If you choose not to wait, rather than rushing so that he puts you in the “easy lay – not marriage material,” I strongly suggest letting those physical games begin once you really have a good sense of one another (no, not after two weeks when you have that heart rush and are still projecting all of the qualities you want in a mate onto one another) and letting the activities gradually progress as your feelings deepen. It should be natural…physical parallel with emotional. Just let your heart AND head be your guide (and use protection, of course). If a man threatens to move on, let him do so without you. I know that men who choose to do so can have self-discipline like I can because I have been around many fundamentalist Christian men in my lifetime. They manage if they think God is going to punish them, lol, so they can manage for you too. I wouldn’t suggest trusting men who make a habit of having casual sex with many women. It’s a myth that you can tame someone if you’re “good enough.” Men like that either change on their own because they want to, or they don’t change at all are liable to be cheaters after marriage. Just keep your eyes open, sis, and when you’re choosing, do it wisely.

About Velour

I am a young woman who's Caribbean by heritage and American by birth. I'm married to a white man, whom I met during my teens. We've been together for nearly a decade. I have some female relatives and friends who are also married interracially. I share my experiences and thoughts in order to encourage and support other black women who are in interracial relationships or considering the possibility, and men who are interested in or in interracial relationships with black women.